so amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing!!!!!!

"The properties of the amino acid side chains are responsible for the structure and function of each protein. These side chains vary in many chemical properties. A key property is the hydrophobic, or water repelling, character of each amino acid. Hydrophobic amino acids tend to avoid contact with water and are often turned toward the inside of the protein whereas the amino acids that are charged or that can form hydrogen bonds with water are excluded from the interior of the protein and are turned toward the exterior or surface of the protein. Proteins have amazingly complex structures!!!!"

All the Michael Moore tickets sold out. I was really looking forward to seeing him speak on campus. They should move him to a bigger place.

It's good to finish unfinished business. Like math papers that were due months ago. Now, when I see the TA at Metro, I don't have to feel guilty.

Oh dear. I absolutly do not want to write this paper about math and ecology. oh well.

I just went through and deleted alot of my old posts in my archives. I think I was too honest in them, and I said things that could hurt other people if they ever read them. I've been thinking alot about this here blog, and it's purpose, and I think that I will not write things that are too personal in it. When I started writing in a blog, more than a year ago, I wrote everything down. Every personal detail, and every emotion I had and all my thoughts. But I didn't tell anyone about it so it was basically private. Then I told a few people and a few more, and then I started writing less private thoughts. There is danger in writing things down, even if it is just the internet. The written word looks very permenant! Even if it is hastily written and fleeting. I have kept diaries ever since I was in elementry school, and I'm not sure why. My brother kept a diary for about a week when our dog was sick and we just found it recently. It was really neat to see his handwriting and all of his emotions. I love old diaries because it reminds me of the way I used to be. My brother's diary reminded me of my best friend when I was little. We used to do everything together. I love him. But things change! People change. I hate it that things change, but I'm also glad that they do. It seems like every stage of life we die. The little girl that I was in elementry school is dead. I remember her, but I am not her anymore! I am not the same person I was 2 years ago, and I'll be different in two more years. People change! Everything changes. I guess I will try not to write anything too incriminating in the future.

I have just had a wonderful day! Melissa and I met on the steps in front of Patterson and she gave me a frisbee filled with the most delicious cup cakes I have tasted in my life. I ate three with her, and they were moist and most chocolaty, and sugary and gooey. I went up to the lab and ate another one, and gave two away. Then, walking back from work, I ate the frosting off of two more, and gave away the last two to Arg and Alex. Thats 6 total for me, and 4 for other people. Thank you so much Melissa. It was a good birthday present. And nothing is more lovely than a frisbee with sugar crystals all over it.

There is always room for criticisim.

Yipes! So much work to do... I use my blog and the war as an excuse not to do it.

I started a new blog where I'm just going to post articles I find on the internet that are interesting and that I want to remember. Hopefully with someone's help I can at least get commenting power there.

Also, Alex found this.

For the record, last night after 8pm (eastern time) we started bombing Iraq, as Bush's 48 hour deadline for Saddam and his sons to leave the country has ended. There are two large protests planned for today. One on campus, and one at the capital.

Barbara is finally getting married. We're having a wedding shower next Saturday. I can't believe that my 2 friends from home have produced three children already! I'm happy for Barbara, but only because all of the parents are finally accepting her again. She was always ok I think, but its the other people who have taken a while to come around. We're going to have cake and chips and play spanish and arabic music and dance. It's just going to be the girls that Barbara knows. She's not really having a wedding. They're just going to go to the judge and get it done. In August they will have been together for 5 years.

Its good to be back. I wrote a long post on Sunday but I accidentally pushed a button and the screen flashed and my computer ate all of it. Since I've been back (which has been 2 days) I have managed to get very beaten up and bruised. I have a bruise on my right hip, I have a scab on my right pinky finger, and my hand hurts, my knees hurt, and my whole body aches.I ran into the side of a door on sunday, and last night as I was chasing Rubin's truck, he slammed on the brakes and so I ran smack into the back of it. My scrabble board went flying and all the pieces ended up in the bed of his truck.

"Blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul on another."

I have an organic chemistry test on wednesday so I'm at the library studying for it. Thats all for now.

Grah! The birds are driving me crrazy!!! They're everywhere. They're in the trees, they're buzzing around, they're twittering and chirping all over the place. There are sparrows, grackles, mockingbirds, jays, doves, cowbirds, and cardinals, and that owl I think I saw last night. I can't stop looking at them. I have to look at them. I thought I heard warblers but I'm not sure... I'm just not sure. I'm never sure. Unsure, so unsure. Shut up! All of you! And theres ducks too. And egrets. Or maybe they're herons. Are they great blue herons or little blue herons? I don't know! Are they cattle egrets, Great whites or snowy egrets??? Don't ask me! I'm the one who's failing my bird class. Damn pelicans.

I made apple cinamon pancakes this morning, and I came to the conclusion that pancakes is spelled all wrong. It should be spelled PAINcakes. They are ost painful to make. And if you don't do it just right they looked weird and are under-appreciated. I intended to wake up at 6 am and make a breakfast feast for my mom's birthday. I was going to make scrambled eggs with tomatos, onions and bell peppers and salsa, and fresh squeezed orange juice, and yesterday I bought a cantalope and grapefruit. I also bought some vegetarian breakfast sausages. Everything turned out ok, but I broke one glass and the kitchen was a mess by the time I finished, and I didn't get around to the orange juice. I also woke up late. The stupid blender leaked all the milk out when I tried to mix the paincake batter, and the apples were too chunky. I couldn't find the "shortening" so I used regular butter, and it turns out that regular butter burns at very low heats. So the paincake batter tasted delicious. I know this because the paincakes were burnt on the outside but filled with warm gooey batter on the inside. Also I didn't have enough eggs to make eggs because last night I used them all on the cake. It was a very delicate cake. I had to seperate the egg whites from the egg yokes, and I ended up throwing away alot of eggs because I kept messing up and starting over. Last night I camped out in the backyard with my dog. It was such a beautiful strange night. Everything was still and humid, but cool. The reason I went outside in the first place was that at about midnight a bird started singing. I've never heard a bird sing like that at midnight. So I went outside and sat and listened to i. I saw a huge bird fly over head at about 2 am. It looked like an owl. I practiced my kazoo because I didn't think anyone would be able to hear it, but I woke up my brother and he came outside and yelled at me. Oh well. I didn't take it personally. I think that by it's very nature a kazoo is one of the most obnoxious of all instruments. The only way to get it to work properly is to use a very high pitched hum and as you play it, it fills with spit and drips on your leg. I don't mind but for some reason other people think it's gross.

I am making White Chocolate Fantasy cake with Rasberry filling for my mom's birthday: http://www.pastrywiz.com/archive/recipe/0241.htm I can't wait! I'm also making apple cinammon pancakes, eggs with tomatos, green peppers and onions, and orange juice for breakfast. Muaahahahha :)

Today is a beautiful day! The sky is very blue, and the sun is very warm even though the air is cold. I just sat outside in the sun and read the paper. Sometimes I wonder why I read the paper, because it is the same thing every day and I'm not sure I learn anything from it. The Daily Texan is a pretty good newspaper as far as newspapers go, and it's free. I usually turn to the Opinion page first and read the firing lines. Some of them are particularly insightful and well written and those should be magnified and put on the front page. Other firing lines are filled with ignorance and quickly spoken words that do not accomplish anything. Those should not even be posted in the paper. Then I read anything that looks interesting on the first page, and Page Two. There was another war protest yesterday, a "die in" is what they call it I think. Russia, Germany, and France are saying that they will not support a war with Iraq, and they are not changing their minds. Spain, the US and the UK are in favor of the war. Inspections are continuing. 15 people died in a bus in Isreal when a Palestinian suicide bomber set his bomb off. It's so frustrating. The more I read the more I feel like maybe, just maybe, anarchy is the way to go. I don't have time for a long post right now, and my thoughts are still foggily forming so I'm going to hold off on a long post on government. I didn't do my linguistics homework last night. I wish I had a car. I need to do a special project for the bird class, and a car would be good. It's a censusing project and I need to find someone to drive me out to the site that I census. I'm going home tomorrow. My grandma and grandpa are there right now. I can't wait to see them. I ment to call my grandpa on his birthday, which was February 28th, but I didn't get around to it. They brought me an old set of plates that we can use in our apartment next year.

thats all for now,
the samia

Quick update!

Today was a pivitol day in my life. I got 9 hours of sleep the night before a big test, and I think I beat the test to a slimy, orange edible pulp! It was genetics. I walked back to my room feeling truly jubilant. Yay for jubilance! Now, I must not jinx it. I must not slip back into old familiar habits. Tonight I must not make the mistake that some goalies make when they're playing soccer. They block a beautiful shot, and it's such a wonderful save, that they stand there dumbfounded at it's beauty and then terrible things happen. Before you know it someone has nocked you over, and the ball is back in the goal, and it was all for nothing.

So I'm going to do my linguistics homework in approximately....... 5 minutes.

I guess so that I can remember I should write about what's happening with Iraq.

I watched the evening news today which is something I haven't done in a while. Basically Turkey did something unexpected and decided not to allow US troops to station themselves in preperation for an attack on North Iraq. They gave up billions of dollars of aid that our government offered them, and I think that is admirable. Their people are against a war in Iraq, and they voted democratically in congress, and this ist he conclusion they came to. I think their government should be applauded. The prime minister Abdullah Gul, said that his country still values the friendship of the United States, but that his people have spoken and this is their decision. He said that he cannot ignore the protests that have been going on in Turkey, and that the decision has been made. Compared to Bush's reaction to the protests in the US, (which has been to discount them entirely) Gul seems like a much greater man. Elections are coming up and another prime minister will likely be elected. I'm not sure, but it seems to me that Turkey is behaving as a model of democracy. Alex brought up the point that maybe Turkey's actions will make this a bloodier war because we'll have to use a riskier method of invading.

Bush has basically said that nothing short of Saddam's exile will stop this war from happening. It seems to me that he is making himself heard loud and clear that there will be no compromising and there will be no peace. He wants Saddam dead and he wants control of oil in the Middle East. Even as I say it, I feel like I shouldn't say it because it is obvious. But I don't know what else to say! Peter Jennings said tonight that the war will start in a few days, which is a little earlier than was supposedly expected. It is a sad day for the world, if you ask me.

North Korea intercepted one of our surveillance planes today - whatever that means. I can't help but feel that a lot of "wars" are starting for no good reason. I remember 10 years ago when there was Desert Storm, I was in first or second grade or kindergarden or something, and I didn't understand it at all. I thought that wars were planned. I thought that presidents called each other up and said "ok! we will meet on the 25th of September on such and such field and we'll fight to the death" I didn't get it! I thought, "why don't they just not show up? then there wouldn't be a war."

ok, enough blathering. I've got Genetics to do. And it must be done.

I love the crazy homeless people! I like the Drag. I like the dirty grungy feeling of it at night. I'm never afraid when I'm walking along the sidewalk. I love the way you see a group gather and you know that they are trading substances - the coming together of college kids and homeless vagabonds. And they all smile and nod as you walk by. I like Austin, yes, just like all the billions of other kids from Houston or Dallas that didn't grow up with anything like it. A lot of us gurgle with delight about Austin when we go home, and it's Austin this! and Austin that! True, it's just another city, with Mcdonalds, grocery stores, Walmarts, and all the other stores you see everywhere else. But there's also this college with more than 50 thousand people, and theres also this street with maybe a few hundred people, that wear the same old clothes every day, and say the same old thing "spare any change?" every so often. I don't mind it. I used to get mad and self righteous, but now it's sort of a part of the way Austin is. You always have an opportunity to give, you always have an opportunity to take. There are crazy left-wingers, and your crazy right-wingers, and all of the kids all excited, and all of the old folks, many different varieties. It is not without it's hipocracy, or it's ugliness. Beauty can be found everywhere, not just here. Matt Day talked about how beautiful North Dallas was to him the summer he just walked around it. It's a suburb with your normal suburb stuff, but on foot, and in his mind it was something that inspired poetry.

I'm finally feeling a little euphoria instead of frustration and hate when it comes to my genetics book. I studied at metro tonight with Lia. Got alot done. Ate ramen for dinner. Ate breakfast in kinsolving. My mom sent me 5 dollars in the mail. I love her for that. I love my mother! Let it be known.

Heart feels heavy! But life is ok. Today I ate no ramen noodles. Instead, I had coffee and a chocolate eclair and popcorn and chocolate and icecream and bananas and cookies. And all of it was free! Except the coffe and the chocolate eclaire. I wondered listlessly through the posters at the convention today. I had no shame in taking free candy when I found it. There were so many posters. Hundreds and maybe thousands of them, all about obscure parts of molecules and cells. San Antonio has a beautfiul downtown. Our poster looked pretty nice, and I'm proud of the work we've done. We drove down there this morning and got back to Austin by around 6pm. I think the most interesting thing I read about was protein folding. It was a small book but it cost 75 dollars so didn't buy it. Good day overall.

I just wrote my mom an email and I've been studying for the past few hours, and I already feel better. Forward....... march! Attack! Jab! Punch! Bludgeon! Side kick! Front flip! Smash! Damn it feels good to be a gangster! Because, you know I am such a gangster.

I don't know if it's the grey cold drizzly weather, or the fact that I haven't done laundry in a long time and my room is a mess, or that last night was strange and lonely, but I feel icky today. I shouldn't. I just had a minty cup of coffee and chocolate chip cookies, and I slept in, and now I'm at the library. I thought that indulging myself would make me feel better but it didn't really. I should study. I have a lot of work to do, but I don't want to do it. I feel vaguely worried. Its that horrible worry that has no particular place. I can't wait to go home. I know that problems don't just go away. They need addressing.

I think I am going to go for a run today and then I'm going to take a shower. I haven't gone running or done anything physical in such a long time. By the end of this day I will be in a better mood. Yes! I am going to get off the computer, go upstairs and study for genetics until I'm tired. Then I will go to the life sciences library and study organic chemistry a bit. Then I will go home, clean up my room, put in some laundry, go for a run, take a shower and eat dinnner. Then I will sit down and read the articles I need to read. Then I'll go to sleep. Can't wait for that.