Rubin Mendoza is a quiet the poet. While I was sitting there doing my homework, he sat across from me and wrote a poem. Then I gave him a sandwhich for his trouble. :)

A dark shadow shrouds my eyes
and yet everything seems bright yellow.
spectators frown upon such displays,
as I flounder around in ecstasy
Like a virtual world I live my life
never wanting to take the lens' off
and yet there shall be a day
when my rainbow will dim and fall
I'll open my eyes and breath sweet air
Newly freed from a beautiful prison into a world
shallow and mirky
as dawn soon becomes an arousing fear
Late at night they twinkle in my dreams
hazel orbs of sanity piercing my soul
the sounds of honey cover my ears,
abrosia intoxicates my lifeless body
"Arise sweet child" it says from afar
"It is not your time to be in the sky,"
"Like many others before you, there is something amiss"
"So go now unscathed and find it"
"Let my wings be your shield. Let my eyes be your heart."
"And when you find it, you will know, as I won't be very far."
And with that it went away. Silence roared around me
sounds of sirens and crickets echoed around
Like fumes of opium diffusing into the ether
As I faded from your eyes forever.

There is so much more to the universe than what we think. It's not all simple and cut and dry! I will never understand everything, and that doesn't bother me. And I'm ok with being dusty wind. :)

"Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your good-byes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round"

Today has been a beautiful day, just because the sky was blue, and the air has dried and it's cooler. The trees are casting longer shadows, and it makes me wax poetical. I feel joyful, but sadness too. This morning at 4 am, we were sitting at a restaurant, 10 people squeezed into a small booth, all sitting sleepily and peacefully. Nobody had to talk just to talk. I looked at everyone's face and I wondered what it would be like in 40 years. I wanted to hold the moment forever because it will never return. It will be repeated and lost and repeated and lost by countless people. Well, maybe not in the exact same way. Oh well. To be loved, to be held, to join with others. That makes me happy. :)

I'm feeling a little drained and tired. I think I signed up for too many classes. Next week I have 2 lab write ups, 2 labs, 2 tests and 4 Arabic homework assignments. This past week I had 2 tests, 1 lab write up, 5 arabic assignments, and 3 lab things to do. I've fallen behind in Organic and I hate microbio. It's all memorization. The only class I really enjoy is Physical Chemistry because it makes sense and it's about more fundamental things, and the teacher doesn't do so much hand waving to explain things. I think I'm not very good at being balanced. I either play all the time, or I work all the time, and I'm not happy in either case. If I play too much I feel guilty for not working, and if I work too much I feel sad and as though life is passing me by.

I DO NOT WANT TO DO MY BIOLOGY LAB WRITE UP!
I DO NOT WANT TO DO MY CHEMISTRY HOMEWORK!
I DO NOT WANT TO PREPARE FOR MY CHEMISTRY LAB!
I DO NOT WANT TO STUDY FOR MY TESTS!
I DO NOT WANT TO SPEAK IN ARABIC!
I just want to have sex.

Ok have a good day everyone. :)

"The microbe is so very small
You cannot make him out at all
But many sanquine people hope
To see him through a microscope.
His jointed tongue which lies beneath
A hundred rows of curious teeth;
His tufted tail with lots
Of lovely pink and purple spots
On each of which a pattern stands,
Composed of forty separate bands;
His eyebrows of a tender gree;
All these have never yet been seen -
But Scientists, who ought to know,
Assure us that they must be so....
Oh! Let us never, never doubt
What nobody is sure about."
-Hillaire Belloc

The Wackadoo Zoo... I was a monkey... but I said "hee haw" instead of "ooo ooo ooo ahhh ahh ahh," and so they sent in a doctor, and she tried to get the monkeys to say monkey things and the pigs to say pig things, and the chickens to say chicken things, but in the end we all realized that we were fine - just the way we were! So I sang the solo line

Go home and leave us alone, alone
We were happy before, we'll be happy once more.

I'll never forget being a monkey, and the brown face paint on my face, and how hot it was on the stage, and the feeling of fear and excitement and also the feeling of great reproach "this is dumb!" And the great urge to scratch my face, but trying to restrain my fingers from scratching because then the paint would come off.

And now, a poem! I wrote this poem because I was trying to study, and I always start feeling poetic when I study chemistry, or any science that requires the science half of my brain. I think that's the left part. I can't remember. Well anyway, the other side starts to feel neglected.


I love you because you are you.
Your color is blue.
Your smell is wafting chocolates,
and carmel as a kiss placed wetly upon a mouth
parted by the ocean.

Complacently the days go by,
and angrily I go by too,
But I don't want to move.
I want to stand here,
and not be swift,
and not run,
and not swim,
and not go,
because I don't remember where I ran,
or where I swam
or why I went
and in the moment that everything stops,
I remember nothing but now,
and all the human things that go with it,
and all the things that happened before to me,
happened to someone else,
that isn't here.

Rambling!

I am happy. I'm at home listening to Willie Nelson in my old room, resting. I was so tired and I needed to get away from all the people. It may not seem like it, but at heart, I am an antisocial person. I love people but they make me tired and I don't relax when I'm around people.

I have all my tests coming up. I thought about my future on the bus. There is something about riding in a bus that makes me dreamy and contemplative, or even uncomfortable because all I have to do is think. I don't have head phones, and I can't read without getting sick. So I sit there and I look out the window and think. Sometimes I hate the solitude, sometimes I enjoy it. Sometimes I don't know what to do with my thoughts and thinking bothers me because it seems useless.

I love, and I hate. I get tired and I want my home, which I have wanted to get away from for so long. There really isn't any point to figuring things out. Things just are, and you do what you can with what you've got.

Have a good weekend everyone! I think Grousy should be in England soon. Tomorrow is the first day of fall. Thats a good thing.

Moo moo moo moo moo moo! It's like omm, but backwords, and more "oo" than "mm." If you're ever feeling stressed, just say "MOO!" say it to everyone you know, say it to everyone you don't know. You'll make friends and enemys and your life will become more interesting.

OR if your neighbors who live beneath you are peeing off their balcony, with beer bottles in hand, and you can hear it splashing onto the carport below, go get your roommate named Nida and she'll go yell at them. She might say something like "Are you retarded? What the fuck are you doing! Don't you have a bathroom?" To which they will say "Oh, um, it's broken! What would you do if your bathroom was broken." To which your other roommate Lia will say "I don't believe you. I think you guys think you're manly men." To which your intelligent neighbors who just finished peeing will say "Huh?" And then Nida will end it all by saying "Why don't you stick your butts over the edge and take a shit too!" And then you can peacefully say "moo," and go on with life.

:)

"There are places I'll remember
All my life"

Johnny Cash died 2 days ago, on Friday morning at the age of 71.

See, roads are like spiderwebs, and the spiderwebs can take you anywhere because you are a spider, but the thing is, you're not supposed to GO somewhere in particular. You're just supposed to wander around, and eventually get stuck and then a bigger spider can have dinner. It's the way it works so quit arguing! I wrote a poem in class yesterday, and I was trying to say that. But it didn't work. Here is what I wrote:


Take me to a beautiful world,
eyelids tingle,
roads like spiderwebs span the world,
spun to make us wander
and laugh.

Take me to an uncomplicated place
where the rain falls continously.


We stood for one minute in my Arabic class today, in silence. I didn't know what to do, whether or not to close my eyes, or keep them open, and what to think. I eventually closed my eyes and said "Allah please" but I couldn't think of what I wanted to say. So, I just stood there with my eyes partly closed, and then opened them a bit, and then closed them again. Alot of thoughts went through my head quickly, thoughts that I've had before, about there not being a creator, about the things that people do, about our world. Then Amjad told us to sit down, and we went on with class. At the end of the hour, he played a recording of an Arabic song, and we were supposed to pick out the words we recognized. The song was simple and full of yearning and sadness. I heard the words omi, illah khubzi, and Ahenu, my mother, her bread, I long for. It made my eyes tear up.

I found out today that my friends are getting married. George and Kara will be married on December 27th, and they would have never met, if it hadn't been for me. That makes me feel special and weird. I started the North Lake Astronomy club 4 years ago, and George and Kara joined. Kara was 16 or 17 and George was around 25. The first time I saw his arm around her, I almost gagged and choked. I couldn't believe it! And now they are taking vows to spend the rest of their lives together.

Have a wonderful day everyone! Now Alex quit bugging me.

I feel like I haven't been a good blogger lately, a blogger being one who observes their world, experiencing it once, and then experiencing it again, slower through the written word. I don't feel like writing anymore. Writing down a memory or an idea reshapes the memory or idea in your mind, so that it is more than a whispy emotion or thought. Writing things down forces a person to give large nebulous thoughts and feelings a body. I'm not able to form those bodies very well right now. Ok, thats all I can think of to write. So have a wonderful day! Look at the world and be aware of the way your skin feels, of the way your hands feel, of the way your eyes feel. You will never again have the body you have, and you will die very soon.

I fried the greasiest thing I have ever fried today. It's called chilli rellanos or something like that. Deep fat fried, not once, but twice. It was for the Dean's scholars first year dinner. I am very tired now! But I have laundry to iron. Oh, my mom just sent me an email today describing an Egyptian guy that her and my dad met today. I'm not sure why she was describing him, and at the end she said he is only 8 years older than me. I think they are beginning to look for men for me. I think these friends of theirs are dead set on getting me married. They are so surprised that I'm "nice." They thought all Americans would be crazy and wild and rude, like wild animals or something. They look at me in awe, like I'm not a normal person, and so now they want to get me married.

Well, I would also like to say that I am going to miss Michael Hoffman alot next year. No, I won't miss Michael, or Hoffman, but Michael Hoffman might be missed, I think. :)