The best part of staying up all night to write a misrable lab report is walking up to the roof at dawn and looking out at the quiet world as the sun comes up. Nobody is awake yet, and there is a kind of calm that is spread over everything. I can sing at the top of my lungs and nobody will hear me because everybody is still snoring in their beds! I can breathe in the air and it feels fresh and good. Well thats about all. I better finish up me lab report. Have a good morning everyone.

I learned in Arabic class today that in England, if a person farts and burps at the same time it is called "the windy pops." So if you ever have a bad case of the windy pops, you can excuse yourself by saying "My appologies! It seems I have the windy pops!"

For the fabulous four (or 5) who read my blog, this is from Matt Day's Livejournal. I thought it was fun to read. You should comment at his blog if you want to comment.

"I'm a religious zealot. That's what I am. I'm a religious zealot for the religion of religiousness. And worse than that, I'm evangelical. I believe that the miseries of contemplating ones own mind in an uncreated universe without meaningful origin or destination is simply a matter of devotion in this religion, a kind of passion, if you will. I believe that this kind of torture is the path to divine truth, which can only be found through denying oneself what one wants the most: to be beloved of the universe.

Somehow I've allowed my fanatical religiouslessness become a sort of slave morality; a kind of contemptful reaction to the blasphemous insult that any person, institution, or tradition should impose any structure on reality beyond that which can be justified. I need my zeal to become a masterful act of religious creation; the psychological creation of a clean universe and an absolutely minimal metaphysics that sits behind it.

Of course, the other disturbing aspect of this chain of thought is the observation of Nietzsche that scientific thought is an extension of the ascetic ideal that lies at the center of Christianity. In the evolution of religions, there is an escalation of sacrifice, of things dearer and dearer to us: first we sacrifice calves, lambs, goats and pidgeons, then family members (whether actually or in gesture), then an aspect of God itself, then finally the most basic possibility of God. It seems to me that those "Christians" who would only sacrifice the "Son of God" (whom they love dearly) are somehow less consistent with the development of their ideal than those of us who have made the leap to sacrificing the very God itself, with all of its promise of life and forgiveness and judgment. This God that creates, loves, provides, protects, and gives order to our psychological universe could not possibly be more dear to us. And yet, those of us who, in our hearts, understand the nature of the christian tradition and the ideal behind it, can do nothing less than sacrifice this God, with all it provides, to this ideal. "

Tiredness sweeps me into a dust pan
I'm a piece of dust!?

It happened so fast,
that I hardly knew
that it happened.

Above me there was darkness
Beneath me comforting coolness
and firm infinite smoothness
And the sounds,
if there were any,
I did not hear.
I did not see,
I only felt that above me
was a refrigerator.

A long long box
with coils in it's underbelly
that I could see
if I could see.

It happened so fast!
That the bristles reached
full-thrust and took me out into
the kitchen.

where there were many others.
Long, dark thin ones.
white curved translusent ones
Chunky brown ones
green fuzzy ones
black bits
greyish clouds


A swoosh of the bristles
And I was in something blue,
then very quickly in something dark again.

Then I went to another place.
And another
and another.
And one more.
And I think even one more after that.

It went on like that for a long time.
And it is still going on like that,
but now I can communicate
Because I became part of a typing-being.
And the typing-being
knows about me.

ME!
The eternal one.
I am the light
I am the darkness
I am all energy and matter.

I had no idea I would ever know this,
this is so cool!
But it makes me feel tired.
Something I never felt before,
beneath the refrigerator.

For me, fascination is directly proportional to how much sleep I've been getting. My classes are painfully boring when I'm tired, and exciting when I get enough sleep. There is no in between! Today all of my classes went by so slow that I thought I might die. I would look up at the clock and only a few minutes had past since the last time I looked at the clock. I had 5 classes today, FIVE CLASSES! I could not summon my brain for any of them. I sat and took notes like a robot, and thought envious thoughts about the people who were paying attention. There's only 2 and a half weeks left of the semester. That is exciting but sad. I have loved my apartment this past year, and we can't live there next year because Mr.K, our landlord, is kicking us out so his son can live in our apartment. Living in a bachelorette pad has been great. Many good memories! I like the place, the big windows, tall ceilings, a view of trees and green things, and a balcony. It may be small, but it has soul. Next year Lia is going to Spain, and Nida wants to find another condo. I might live in the all-girls co-op so that I can afford my own room. Part of me is terrified of living without Nida in the same room. I have only ever lived with my family and Nida. I don't know what I will do without Nida. How will I ever know that my pants don't go with my shirt, and that my socks don't match my shoes? Who will tell me about the things I say in my sleep? Who will yell at me when I don't stand up for myself? Who will make Homer jokes all day and all night long? Who will greet me with a friendly "Hi whore!" when I come home for the day? Who will tell me that my "butt has gone down" when I go running? Who will give me my daily dose of Pakistani-American cultural insight? Well, I guess I'll wait and see before panicing. I may end up living with Nida again.

I got into Idaho! I'm going to Idaho this summer. I'm excited because I get to work on "green chemistry" and see if I like it. I'll also get to escape the dreaded Texas summer heat. Also, because it's a rural area, I'll get to see the stars at night. There's alot of pretty country up there, and it will be fun to explore.


This semester has been a good one for me, over all. New experiences I have had: throwing a party, flying in a 2-person airplane, in one day learning to blow fire and vowing to never again blow fire, seeing an opera, and maybe most interesting of all, having a "boyfriend." I used to be scared of the idea of having a "boyfriend." I thought I would lose myself, become dependent and teathered-down. But that hasn't happened. I feel like this person has helped add a new and wonderful aspect to my life. But I haven't lost myself or become dependent and I don't feel teathered-down either.

More philosophically speaking, this semester, I feel that I have acquired a deep understanding of the universe. And I'm only 20! Have a good day ya'll!

About that post on Rwanda. I just recently came across the PBS article and reading it made me feel sad, angry and confused. However, I don't really know enough about the situation to say whether or not the world turned its back and the US acted hypocritically. It seems like it, but I don't know for sure. It was a human attrocity. There have been so many. We can't prevent them all, but it seems like some of them are particularly horrible. The Holocost in Europe, The Khemer Rouge in Cambodia, the slaughter in Rwanda, and on and on and on. It's difficult to make moral judgements because morals are man-made and fuzzy.

In conclusion, check out Grouse's blog. It's interesting.

Just a quick update, for all of you people who love Clinton and hate Bush: Rawanda

It is bizzare that the same people who hate Bush can love Clinton. The whole situation is chilling.